Will & Reese..

are my nephew and niece. They are Patrick's( Sean's older brother) kids. When Bill & Patrick went to Heaven, Will had just turned 1yrs old and Reese was still in her mommy's tummy. Every time I'm with them it gets harder and harder as they get older. Will is now turn 3yrs old and Reese is 20 months. It breaks my heart that Will has hardly any recollection of his dad and Reese didn't even get to meet him. No pictures...NOTHING! Patrick couldn't wait to be a Dad either. One time him and Sean were driving in the car and a father daughter song came on, and he started to get teary-eyed. If he could only see how Will is so obsessed with baseball, and cant wait to go hunting with Uncle Sean & Uncle Colin. And how adorable Reese is, I know she would have him wrapped around her tiny finger. They bring incredible joy to the entire family and everyone who meets them. I know someday their mommy will remarry and i want her to be happy again, but the thought of them calling someone else"Daddy" makes me sick. Its so hard to think about what both the kids and Patrick are missing out on. I know its out of my control and in Gods hands..

Psalms 68:5 "Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation."

Xo

Jana

Rustic Romance...

Our wedding day was such an emotional day. Its amazing to me how much goes into planning an event that lasts a few hours. Don't get me wrong, I loved my wedding but was more excited about the beginning of our marriage. The weather was perfect, in the mid 60's in Steamboat Springs, Co. Our ceremony took place outside, in a hay field, with views of mountains and Aspen trees of green and gold. As a surprise to our guest, Sean and I both entered the ceremony site on horseback, separate of course.

Earlier that day, while getting ready, I was fine. I wasn't stressed, I was calm and collected. But as soon as I got on my horse, I lost it. I wasn't sobbing but it was a constant flow of tears down my face. I just kept thinking " I wish they were here. I wish they could see this. They would be so impressed." At that point I could careless about all my other guest, I just wanted Bill & Patrick there. I kept thinking about Sean didn't even have his Dad and brother by his side on his wedding day, as mine was there to walk me down the isle. And how guilty I felt for getting married when Debi & Erynn just lost their husbands. How could I be "truly happy"? It was definitely "rain on my parade". I was constantly going back and forth with feelings of missing them, feeling sorry for others, sorry for myself, and yet happy to be marrying the man God created for me. the pictures don't do the emotions justice but they do capture some of the beauty on that day. Enjoy!

xoxo

jana

Lots to catch up on..

SO much has happened since my last post and instead of trying to cram it all in this 1 post Im just going to post about significant things that occurred since my last post, starting with my wedding!!!

Sean heads for Florida...

He left this morning at 6 a.m. to head out for minor league spring training. Camp starts March 9th but since he is driving..I know all the way to Florida..he;s crazy..he wanted to give himself an extra day or two to get there and unwind. Spring training is usually about 4 weeks long. The coaches and coordinators for the Washington Nationals, watch the players of all different ages and levels and see where they are at and where they think they should be for the upcoming season. Some will get moved up, some will get moved down and some will get released. And just because you may start the season somewhere, doesn't mean they'll finish there either, they can basically do what they want with them. So please keep him in your prayers! He is not as ready as he normally is for obvious reasons. He wasn't sure if he was even going to continue with baseball or quite and get into the family business. Sort of pick up where his Dad and Patrick left off. But i am so proud of him for continuing on his career path. God hasn't closed this door for him . If HE doesn't want Sean there, HE will make that very clear.

Bitter-Sweet

For those of you who don't know, on 01.11.09 Sean's father (Bill) and older brother(Patrick) were killed in a plane crash. They were flying home from Steamboat Springs, CO after a weekend of working on the ranch where Sean and i are planning on getting married. Everyone's worst nightmare can true on that day. The first couple of weeks after, Sean and i were going back and forth about if we should still get married at their ranch in Steamboat. After all, not only is it going to be emotional that they wont be there but then to also have it in Steamboat seemed unbearable. Bill was planning on flying a lot of us out for the wedding, so cost was another factor. But after talking about it, we feel that its what they would have wanted. Bill was so excited that we were getting married there. He was doing everything in his power to make sure that it would happen. And Patrick kept reassuring me that the Barn would be awesome for the reception, he wasn't going to let us down either! So with that in mind we are going to press on with our wedding in Steamboat. Its hard because when the planning started this was not how we envisioned it. Its not how its suppose to be. I know they'll be there, just not the way we all thought.